dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize