I'm drive I can fine osifer
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
