my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
