ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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