I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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