Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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