Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
