Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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