Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
