The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
