I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
