adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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