i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish you could order shots online.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
