how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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