I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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