My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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