Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
