i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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