We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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