After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
