So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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