Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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