I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
