Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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