forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
