I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
