If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
two words...techno handjob
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
All the doctor said was why
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
