So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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