Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
