I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
