Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
