Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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