We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
