I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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