Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
