i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
