You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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