I just saw a hot homeless man
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
