OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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