while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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