I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
