she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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