So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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