just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize