I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
