brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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