While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
