and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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