Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
