I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's always time for handjobs
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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