I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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