we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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