You just made me feel so damn special
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
