I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
