why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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