i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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