Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
