I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
