I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
