You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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