I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
