dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.