You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text