Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.