i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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