We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
worst night to have a conscience
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
3 2 1 whiskey
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs