dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
